Revised Written Piece

Revised Assignment 4

Original Graded piece

Revised Piece

 

For the revised written work I chose to use assignment 4.  I picked this piece for two reasons, first this assignment was the most recent one I had completed and was the most fresh in my head, second this assignment was the only one i had a copy of the graded work as the first three assignments had been lost.  When I went about revising this assignment I used the comments and advice that was given in the graded work.  The original assignment had gotten a 90 out of 100 so their wasn’t a ton of revision needed to make it a better piece.  The changes I made were to first go through and change several of the instances where I used Jack Trice’s full name to a pronoun.  I had made the mistake of  using his name too often and it became repetitive.  Another change made was to add captions to the picture as  had left them out the first time.  When going through the paper I noticed a couple of punctuation and grammatical mistakes and corrected them.  The last changes that I made to the writing was that  I added and changed several sentences where I felt the words did not fit correctly together, and where I thought I needed to expand on my thoughts.  The changes that I made in this assignment have made it a better piece.  The writing reads more smoothly now and has several added pieces of information and thought.

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